


A Blushing Christmas

by whitexblackrose



Series: Fandom Holiday Prompts [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-01
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-30 15:31:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6430174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitexblackrose/pseuds/whitexblackrose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas with the Avengers. What could possibly go wrong? Oh, here's Loki with a lot of boxes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Blushing Christmas

A few weeks earlier – Black Friday 

While Thor and Lady Jane loaded their cart up with items for the Children’s Hospital, Loki wandered around the store after Darcy snuck away to get her shopping done. The man wandered up and down the isles looking. His brief education on mortals said that the upcoming holidays were important and not to be forgotten. The exception to that idea was he had no idea what to get his new teammates.

The man of iron was rich and (after some blackmail from Pepper) he gave all of his teammates a prepaid debit card so they could all get each other gifts and not have their Avengers debit cards get overdrawn. And keep their holiday antics away from Fury.

Loki sighed and scrubbed at his face in annoyance. Nothing in the store had the items he was searching for, things that would be considered “gentle” pranking, that is until he reached a tiny section in the health and beauty department.

Eyes alight with joy and mischief, Loki loaded up his cart.

 

-Christmas-

 

The team entered Tony’s suite with excitement. The whole apartment was prepped for Christmas cheer. A giant tree was crammed into a corner, and the stack of presents threatened to drown the greenery. Considering that they were missing Natasha and Clint (they snuck away to have the holiday with Clint’s family), it was overkill since the agreement was one or two presents to each other.

“Well then, looks like we should start before Pepper starts forming the presents into a second tree,” Tony commented.

Thor nodded. “How shall we start this year?”

“I’ll distribute the gifts,” Darcy offered. One by one she passed the gifts around until there was a modest size stack in front of everyone.

Steve looked at the pile in front of him, reading the “from” before removing the wrapping paper delicately. Banner did the same while Thor and Tony tore into the wrapping paper like little kids. Before long there was a mess all over the living room floor.

“What’s the matter, Smurf?” Tony teased when he saw Loki merely sitting back.

“Waiting my turn,” he said with a grin that had Darcy nervous.

She looked around the room and saw that the only presents that had yet to be unwrapped were clad in emerald wrapping paper. All of the boxes were in different sizes, but they all came from the same giver: Loki.

“Loki, do you solemnly swear that these won’t explode, mutilate, come alive, or spray us in goop?” Darcy questioned.

Loki held his right hand up. “I swear that my gifts will not cause bodily harm or be the cause for ruining your outfits.”

Everyone relaxed and opened the gifts.

“However,” Loki teased as everyone saw the contents of their boxes, “I can’t promise your dignity will stay intact.”

Thor cocked his head and held up the present his brother gave him. “Sheathes,” he concluded as he stared at the jumbo pack of condoms. Meanwhile, Jane blushed a bright pink as she saw the vibrator Loki got her. Inside was a note that read, “for when my brutish brother forgets to do more than thrust.”

Bruce took one look at his gift and closed up the box, looking more shocked than anyone else.

Steve took one look at the contents of the box and glowered. “I am not gay,” he insisted while pointing at the bottle of lube that was next to the other gift the trickster gave him.

“Then the Fleshlight will be used frequently,” Loki responded.

Tony cackled with glee as he studied the sex toys. He got everything from a cock ring to flavored lubes. Pepper sighed and passed her gift to her man-child to open since he had so much fun tearing into his presents and she had little tolerance to find out what was inside the gift box. Inside they found a gift card to a lingerie boutique.

“Natasha got the same,” Loki explained. “Clint and his wife got a new device that long-distance couples gave high reviews for.”

Darcy stared at the box on her lap in mortification. On one hand, “YAY! I finally have an OHMIBOD. I can get off on my favorite jams!” On the other hand, “Shit! My crush just gave me a sex toy.”

The prankster had his eyes on her and was smirking. Everyone else watched the pair, waiting for their reaction. Instead of having her face solely red from blushing, Darcy was mad because of the embarrassing situation.

“Loki, run,” Thor advised. He instantly looked around to see if the woman’s “wand of lightning” was within her reach. Luckily for Loki, she didn’t carry it around while in Stark Tower.

Loki’s grin wasn’t wiped off his face as Darcy stood and strode toward him. “Like your present, Miss Lewis?”

A cruel smile appeared on her lips. “I expect a five-page essay from you on how you learned Earthling sex rituals since Fury forbade me from teaching it to you.”

“The answer to that is simple,” Loki said with a shrug. “I copied down your web browser history.”

The room went deathly silent before Darcy shrieked in indignation.

So thusly, this Christmas was known as, “Loki’s poor attempt in courtship.”


End file.
